Well, guys, it's officially the Holiday Season. That means it's time for houses to be decked out in enough lights for a techno rave, stuffing as much chocolate into our faces as we possibly can before New Year's Resolutions rain down their fitness wrath on January 1st, dancing around the truth of Santa Claus, and occasionally it even means creating pleasant memories with loved ones. I say occasionally because if we're being honest the increased quality time we "enjoy" during the holidays can bring about as much hostility as it can happiness. I don't mean to be a downer, I'm just trying to get it all out in the open. They don't say that acceptance is the first step to recovery for no reason, and really how could we not trust the sound advice of the alcoholics??
Now that we've reached this place of acceptance, the question is how to we avoid the blowout fight blues and keep the holiday peace? If you're anything like me it really comes down to knowing who's right and who's wrong. That way one person will be busy basking in their know-it-all glory while the other is running through the mental paces of reformatting their point, and both will be too busy to fight! So, here are a few full-proof ways of determining who will walk away with the W.
1. Thumb Wars. This is a classic, but it only works if both parties agree to follow the rules. There are many variations to the game that can cloud the certainty of a victory--these MUST be hammered out before 1, 2, 3, 4, you declare thumb war. You have to know if you're going to allow a ref, how long the thumb must be pinned for, and whether playing possum is acceptable (really, the list goes on). I would also recommend playing with elbows firmly planted on a table. That way you won't encounter any cheating in the form of using arm muscles or re-positioning for more leverage. It's sad, but some people just don't know the meaning of the word honor.
2. Dance battle. While not for the faint of heart, the dance battle is highly effective. Not only can you tailor the battle to the liking of those involved (tap, interpretive, square, and 90s pop music video are all acceptable forms of dance), but the amount of "oh snaps" from the audience serve as a clear indicator of the victor. Plus, it's better to have danced and lost than to never have danced at all.
3. Rock, Paper, Scissors. Another oldie but goodie. It does offer the advantage of being best two out of three (DO NOT let anyone dupe you into only playing a single round--that is not a true defeat), but it also comes along with its own set of challenges. This lesson can be best illustrated by our good FRIENDS Rachel, Ross, Phoebe, and Joey. If this is the route you decide to take, beware of the wildcard.
4. Wendy's Challenge. For those of you living under a no-gorging-on-fast-food rock, I pity your abysmal existence and would like to introduce you to the true meaning of eating your feelings. The Wendy's Challenge is an amazing feat of human endurance in which you eat one of each item on the restaurant's dollar menu. The obvious application to our issue is that each party would sit down to this feast and the first to lick their proverbial plate clean is the winner.
5. Screaming match. Somebody, most likely a very lazy and apathetic body, once said "If the wheel isn't broken, don't fix it." While that may not be the best mantra for all areas of life, I think it can be applied here. Sometimes there's no need to get fancy; it may just be enough to scream and scream until one person passes out from lack of air or rational thoughts, whichever comes first.
So, next time you begin to butt heads just whip out your boom box or jet through the nearest Wendy's drive-thru, and the tension will just melt away.
How do you decide who's the superior party in a fight?
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