Sacrifices for Success: The Evil Wizard Way

I'd like to take a risk and discuss something very serious. This is an issue I've been grappling with for days, and I think it might be best just to talk it out. For those of you not prepared to take a hard look at yourself and your life I suggest you do not continue reading, because we will be discussing...

dun! dun! dun!

...HORCRUXES.

(If you don't know what that word means, I suggest you rush over to Amazon and order this book without delay.)

Ever since a  conversation I had last week, I've been struggling with the following questions:

1. What would my horcrux(es) be?

2. Where would I hide them?

We all know there may come a time when we embark on a journey for world domination armed with only some serious daddy issues and one wand to rule them all (excuse my mixed metaphors). The question is, when that time comes, will we be prepared? Some of you might say, "I'd be a good wizard." or "Hallows over horcruxes!" but I call your bluff.

Yes, Voldemort is the nose-less villain we all love to hate, but do not try and tell me you don't admire his dedication. I mean, ripping your soul into eight pieces so you can reign the wizarding world forever shows serious commitment. I don't know that I can say I've ever shown such commitment to anything (this coming from a person with an intensive nail polish cataloging system). Even though he may have gone about realizing his dream in all the wrong way, and even though that dream was on the terrible side to begin with, I think we can all take a page from He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's book and partake in this hypothetical horcrux conversation.

Now, join me in the no-judgement zone and let's get real for a minute.

What would my horcrux(es) be?

1. My cellphone. This would be my version of Nagini, always with me and thus, presumably, safe.
2. The totem pole I purchased in an Alaskan Wal Mart. A symbol of the most awesome place on Earth and a better, more outdoorsy and more awesome at snow fighting version of myself that emerged while there.
3. A bottle of nail polish. Because my soul would be so happy there, and I have so many that it would take somebody years to figure out which one it was in.
4. My unnamed archenemy. I mean, if I'm beginning my ascent to world domination it's a given that I first try to take out my greatest foe. 

I think I would stop here so my soul could be in a nice, round five pieces. 

Where would I hide them?

I, of course, cannot share that with you. It's bad enough that you already know what they are. I can't make it that easy for Horcrux #4 to take me down. BUT we all know that in the end good will triumph over evil (only because it has the two best friends in the world, not because it has any actual merit of its own). 

So, what about you? What would your horcruxes be? Where would you hide them? (You don't actually have to tell me, it's more food for thought, as they say.)