Chicken Little once said "The sky is falling." and nobody believed him.
Well, I remember my fifth grade teacher telling me on 9/11 that our entire economy was going to collapse, and she was basically right. I don't know that I can remember a time when people weren't warning of economic disaster. When I tell people I'm getting ready to graduate college, some of them actually apologize. The blinders have been ripped from America's eyes, and now we teach our children that there just might not be any hope.
This state of general despair has led the media to produce endless lists and programs to help get you back on your feet or prepare for the future. They've all got ten simple steps to economic security. Well, I say...
"Worrying about security? What is it good for? Absolutely nothing! Say it again!"
I mean, not to be a downer, but it is what it is, guys. Why don't we focus on what we can control and loosen our death grip on the other stuff. There's got to be more to life than scrounging up all of our pennies and never letting go. Let's be a little less Mr. Krabs and a little more Spongebob on this one. Spongebob may not be awesome at earning money or being responsible, but he is awesome at having a good time. So, here are ten things that I think it's great to be good at, even if they won't make me rich.
1. Harry Potter trivia. Seriously, try and tell me it doesn't feel good to know that Professor Lockhart's favorite color is lilac and that James Potter's wand was mahogany, 11".
2. Recreating country guitar solos with my mouth. If there was a band where all instrumental sounds were made by mouth, I would be the star of it.
3. Avoiding eye contact. A college campus is riddled with people holding clipboards and stacks of fliers, trying to get you to donate or sign up for something. Normally that something is legalizing pot or getting free laser tag, so normally I couldn't care less. You will not meet a person better than I at avoiding the oppressive glare of these solicitors.
4. Spotting serial killers. Some might say this is just an over-active imagination, but let's just see who doesn't end up murdered and then talk.
5. Guessing nail polishes. There is almost no greater satisfaction than correctly guessing a stranger's nail color.
6. Watching TV. I mean, I'm really dedicated. I may or may not have written out a weekly calender. It's a skill that should be well honed.
7. Annotating. Thanks, 11th grade AP Lang, I might not be able to understand everything I'm reading but I can definitely annotate the heck out of it. And I'll make a purple and green ink masterpiece while I'm at it.
8. Whitewashing. No, I'm not referring to a paint job. I'm talking about tackling someone into the snow and shoving said snow into their face until they beg for mercy, and then, of course, not giving that mercy.
9. Facebook stalking. (NO JUDGE ZONE) I'm talking, go back a full calender year in someone's news feed kind of stalking. Don't pretend you've never done it.
10. Driving under the speed limit. You may think this is more a handicap and less a skill, but you would be wrong. When you reach the point of just not caring that other drivers are angrily passing you and possibly offering up offensive hand gestures, then you've reached a point of true inner peace. (Or, a place of true physical pain like when I drove home doing 30mph after my spirit-crushing kickboxing class tonight.)
These wonderful and diverse talents will never make me money, but they will make me happy while the rest of the world is running around crying over spilled national deficits.
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