Economic Crisis: Ten Things That Won't Get You Out of It

Chicken Little once said "The sky is falling." and nobody believed him.

Well, I remember my fifth grade teacher telling me on 9/11 that our entire economy was going to collapse, and she was basically right. I don't know that I can remember a time when people weren't warning of economic disaster. When I tell people I'm getting ready to graduate college, some of them actually apologize. The blinders have been ripped from America's eyes, and now we teach our children that there just might not be any hope.

This state of general despair has led the media to produce endless lists and programs to help get you back on your feet or prepare for the future. They've all got ten simple steps to economic security. Well, I say...

"Worrying about security? What is it good for? Absolutely nothing! Say it again!"

I mean, not to be a downer, but it is what it is, guys. Why don't we focus on what we can control and loosen our death grip on the other stuff. There's got to be more to life than scrounging up all of our pennies and never letting go. Let's be a little less Mr. Krabs and a little more Spongebob on this one. Spongebob may not be awesome at earning money or being responsible, but he is awesome at having a good time. So, here are ten things that I think it's great to be good at, even if they won't make me rich.

1. Harry Potter trivia. Seriously, try and tell me it doesn't feel good to know that Professor Lockhart's favorite color is lilac and that James Potter's wand was mahogany, 11".

2. Recreating country guitar solos with my mouth. If there was a band where all instrumental sounds were made by mouth, I would be the star of it.

3. Avoiding eye contact. A college campus is riddled with people holding clipboards and stacks of fliers, trying to get you to donate or sign up for something. Normally that something is legalizing pot or getting free laser tag, so normally I couldn't care less. You will not meet a person better than I at avoiding the oppressive glare of these solicitors.

4. Spotting serial killers. Some might say this is just an over-active imagination, but let's just see who doesn't end up murdered and then talk.

5. Guessing nail polishes. There is almost no greater satisfaction than correctly guessing a stranger's nail color.

6. Watching TV. I mean, I'm really dedicated. I may or may not have written out a weekly calender. It's a skill that should be well honed.

7. Annotating. Thanks, 11th grade AP Lang, I might not be able to understand everything I'm reading but I can definitely annotate the heck out of it. And I'll make a purple and green ink masterpiece while I'm at it.

8. Whitewashing. No, I'm not referring to a paint job. I'm talking about tackling someone into the snow and shoving said snow into their face until they beg for mercy, and then, of course, not giving that mercy.

9. Facebook stalking. (NO JUDGE ZONE) I'm talking, go back a full calender year in someone's news feed kind of stalking. Don't pretend you've never done it.

10. Driving under the speed limit. You may think this is more a handicap and less a skill, but you would be wrong. When you reach the point of just not caring that other drivers are angrily passing you and possibly offering up offensive hand gestures, then you've reached a point of true inner peace. (Or, a place of true physical pain like when I drove home doing 30mph after my spirit-crushing kickboxing class tonight.)

These wonderful and diverse talents will never make me money, but they will make me happy while the rest of the world is running around crying over spilled national deficits.

Sacrifices for Success: The Evil Wizard Way

I'd like to take a risk and discuss something very serious. This is an issue I've been grappling with for days, and I think it might be best just to talk it out. For those of you not prepared to take a hard look at yourself and your life I suggest you do not continue reading, because we will be discussing...

dun! dun! dun!

...HORCRUXES.

(If you don't know what that word means, I suggest you rush over to Amazon and order this book without delay.)

Ever since a  conversation I had last week, I've been struggling with the following questions:

1. What would my horcrux(es) be?

2. Where would I hide them?

We all know there may come a time when we embark on a journey for world domination armed with only some serious daddy issues and one wand to rule them all (excuse my mixed metaphors). The question is, when that time comes, will we be prepared? Some of you might say, "I'd be a good wizard." or "Hallows over horcruxes!" but I call your bluff.

Yes, Voldemort is the nose-less villain we all love to hate, but do not try and tell me you don't admire his dedication. I mean, ripping your soul into eight pieces so you can reign the wizarding world forever shows serious commitment. I don't know that I can say I've ever shown such commitment to anything (this coming from a person with an intensive nail polish cataloging system). Even though he may have gone about realizing his dream in all the wrong way, and even though that dream was on the terrible side to begin with, I think we can all take a page from He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's book and partake in this hypothetical horcrux conversation.

Now, join me in the no-judgement zone and let's get real for a minute.

What would my horcrux(es) be?

1. My cellphone. This would be my version of Nagini, always with me and thus, presumably, safe.
2. The totem pole I purchased in an Alaskan Wal Mart. A symbol of the most awesome place on Earth and a better, more outdoorsy and more awesome at snow fighting version of myself that emerged while there.
3. A bottle of nail polish. Because my soul would be so happy there, and I have so many that it would take somebody years to figure out which one it was in.
4. My unnamed archenemy. I mean, if I'm beginning my ascent to world domination it's a given that I first try to take out my greatest foe. 

I think I would stop here so my soul could be in a nice, round five pieces. 

Where would I hide them?

I, of course, cannot share that with you. It's bad enough that you already know what they are. I can't make it that easy for Horcrux #4 to take me down. BUT we all know that in the end good will triumph over evil (only because it has the two best friends in the world, not because it has any actual merit of its own). 

So, what about you? What would your horcruxes be? Where would you hide them? (You don't actually have to tell me, it's more food for thought, as they say.) 

Never Fear, Your Stress Solution is Here

That's right, guys, it's midterm time again, and you know what that means...

STRESS LEVELS ARE AT AN ALL TIME HIGH.

Now, to be fair, my midterms this semester have been relatively straightforward and spread out enough that I haven't broken down in tears yet. Nonetheless, I am feeling the stress the unites all students into one obsessively high strung studying machine at the middle and end of every semester. It being my third year of college, and billionth year of school, you would think I'd be used to this. You might even expect that I'd have some full-proof stress busters to share, but I don't. Helpful, I know.

Even though I have not yet discovered the secret to stress relief I am constantly on the hunt, and I'd like to take a moment to share a few of my hypotheses.

1. Fill your bathtub with grapes, roll up your pants, and get to stompin'.

2. Take a series of webcam pictures or yourself being hilarious, and post it as a flip book on a friend's Facebook.

3. Finally go through your closet and get rid of everything that's been hanging in the corner, untouched, for the last two years.

4. Spend one hour online shopping to replace all the stuff you just threw away. (This could be developed into an awesome remake of the game show favorite Supermarket Sweep) 

5. Make an account on Pinterest and create a board dedicated to all the awesome stuff you're going to treat yourself to after your tests are over. 

6. Paint each nail (fingers and toes) with a different design.

7. Translate your Farmville skills to the real world and start a vegetable/herb garden.

8. Send a friend (preferably one with a sense of humor) 100 texts in ALL CAPS. 

9. Go for a drive with the windows down, and blast ballads by soulful female artists (i.e. Celine Dion, Cher, Christina Aguilera) because they understand your pain.

10. Be diligent and get your work out of the way so you can relax and not have to worry about it. (HAHAHA. Good one.)

These are just a few of the awesome ways I've come up with to take a stress breather. How do you guys shake off the pressure and regain some perspective? 

Everyone's Got a Blog, but Nobody has THIS Blog

It's true, everyone has a blog. There are blogs about cooking, crafting, camping, gardening, exercising, painting, learning, sewing, home making, succeeding in business, there are even blogs about blogging. Everyone has something to say about what they're good at. And, it seems, everyone is good at something.

Well, that is, everyone but me.

All through middle school and high school, I agonized over what I was good at. Where was my niche? Who were my people? I could never quite figure it out. I was moderately smart, moderately good at middle school cheer leading, and less than moderately good at high school golf and weightlifting. I don't mean this to sound whiny or depressing. I've since come to terms with my diverse mediocrity. I understand that it's just fine that I'm not an Olympic gymnast or full fledged calculus genius. I'm kind of good at a lot of stuff, and that's alright.

I think I was able to make peace with this because I've come to understand what I am good at, and that is being me.

You might say, "What does that mean? Who is me?"

Well, I'm glad you asked!

I'm Megan. I'm in my last year of college (hopefully). I'll be graduating next summer with a degree in creative writing (hopefully). I am a nanny for three boys, ages 13, 3, and 1. I'm engaged. I will be getting married November 16, 2012. I'm a bit socially awkward. I'm stubborn beyond reason. I love Asian food. I  watch a lot of TV (that includes soap operas). I'm devoted to my Kindle. I'm obsessed with nail polish.

By now you, have probably begun to understand why I am writing this.
1. I love writing. (see: degree being sought)
2. Everyone blogs, and I want to jump aboard. (see: the existence of this blog)
3. I have stuff to say. (see: realization of being good at doing me; major life events occurring in the next year)

So there it is, folks. I'm just being Megan, and hopefully in a way a little classier than Miley is just bein' Miley. (see: http://tinyurl.com/42b74qh)